I am pretty knackered having only returned from Europe yesterday but despite having intended to write this blog post yesterday and for most of today I’ve finally got round to it.
The past week away has really cemented what I’ve been thinking lately and that is that I need to make more of my time. Pretty much all my spare time is spent at the gym or simply sat around waiting for the day to end. Lately I’ve been feeling more than usual that that isn’t the best use of my time.
So maybe things in life haven’t panned out like I might have wished 5 years ago, but I’m also a different person and if I’m honest with myself that’s not such a bad thing – I am less dependent on other people, I don’t rely on other people to validate what I think and I’m more than capable of my own thoughts and feelings without reflecting anybody else.
I may wish that there was a significant other person in my life but by the same token I’m painfully aware that I’m not so willing to compromise what and who I am to achieve it. I’m no pro athlete but I enjoy time at the gym. I’m no genius but I enjoy reading philosophy. I’m no critic but I enjoy music. Why should I pretend to be anything different to please anybody else?
Anyway; from here on in I’m making sure I do more of the things I want without waiting for anyone else to fall in line. So sod that I will have to go alone; I’m taking excursions by myself to see things that I keep saying “that would be nice to do with somebody else”. I will spend less time in front of this computer screen doing nothing and more time outside running, playing with my camera or just doing anything that will keep me away from a false online existence.
I have spent the whole day playing a rubbish flash game while uploading holiday pictures. I have about half a dozen books I “haven’t had time to get into” upstairs and have been for the past year or so. So screw it. From now on those will be my priority. Anyone who really wants to get in touch with me already knows how to.
This Saturday I just have to decide where to go. I missed the zoo in Berlin, so maybe I’ll make up for it this weekend. Perhaps I’ll go to the Tate Modern at last, or maybe the Aquarium. I only know it won’t be spent here.